I thought I saw you at the grocery store but it wasn’t you 

To the person who, years ago, brought three boiled artichokes in a tupperware to a house party and shared them with me, I think about you. 

To the phlebotomist who makes horror movies with his wife, and described them in detail while taking my blood, I think about you. 

To the girl one year younger than me who, in high school, was the first person to call me pretty and mean it, I think about you. 

To the curly haired coffee shop customer I gave free coffee to, I think about you.

To the vet tech who whispered to me, “I prefer cats too” out of earshot of the vet, I think about you.

To you, who I love, still. I think about you.  

Here’s a poem for all those people I think about. I’ve missed you terribly. 

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I thought I saw you at the grocery store but it wasn’t you 

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I was picking a brand of cottage cheese. I couldn’t

remember if you liked it or not–hardly anyone does.

I assumed you did because you were like me

in all the ways I did not expect. 

I thought I saw you at the grocery store.

You walked just like that, all in the shoulders, gentle

and particular. I wanted to follow you

down the aisles, but it wasn’t you. I wanted

to show you what I had chosen to eat

for the next two weeks but it wasn’t you. 

I wanted to hold your hand, move sliding doors,

go home. but it wasn’t you. 

I always loved how you looked standing

in doorways. 

Nothing I write about you is enough.

I wish I could tell you that. 

I wish I could tell you that the space between the words

is too big. That I’m falling through. 

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I went to the store with my mother

lifetimes ago. I held her hand while she 

chose cereal and dish detergent and

taught me to turn fruit over

in my hand. Once, while we shopped, a storm 

blew the power out.

In the dark she called for me–my name. Panicked. 

I wanted to say “I’m here,

where I always am, beside you.”

But it was dark and I was afraid. 

The lights came back on, I’m sure,

though I don’t remember when 

or how. I don’t remember leaving, 

just waiting in the dark for something to change. 

I thought I saw you in the grocery store.
It wasn’t you.

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A